April

Last night ended in another awful post night out binge episode for me.  I ate 5 chocolate biscuits, a nutella sandwich and two chocolate bars. I am ashamed of course and feel disgusted, and I hope nobody even reads this for that reason, but at the same time, I must accept it for what it was and move on.

It’s not actually the amount of calories or weight gain that upsets me after binging. What upsets me is that every time I tell myself it’s the last time, and when it happens again I am just overwhelmed with disappointment and a sense of failure.

Which leads me to the conclusion that clearly these episodes keep happening because I am not preventing them from happening. I am still restricting half the week and overeating the other half, which is not a healthy way to maintain my weight (or sanity!)

How can I expect to overcome these episodes if I’m not willing to overcome all my other issues?

I genuinely want to be rid of these problems, I hate who I become and what consumes my mind.

Today marks the first day I WILL be binge free. I can do it! I believe in myself, and most importantly I believe I deserve it X