Love You!

According to my google search, the synonyms for self love are: conceit, vainglory, vanity and narcism. Am I right in saying that most of us wouldn’t chose to describe ourselves as narcissistic? I wouldn’t think so anyway, as much as either of us would depict ourselves as conceited or vain.

But self love could not be further away from these negative synonyms, and yet If I openly expressed to society that I loved myself, well I would probably attract some funny stares and judgmental comments.  Why are we suspicious and critical of people who love themselves? Surely to love oneself is the ultimate goal we all strive for? Why can’t we shout about it too?

Because before you can love yourself, you sure as hell aren’t capable of loving anyone else. If you are filled with anxiety and keep punishing and hurting yourself, you are effectively wasting energy and leaving no room to love anyone else too.  How can you expect to be in a healthy, thriving relationship if most of your thoughts are governed my self hate and pity?

When we give in to bad thoughts about ourselves, we are hurting ourselves and inflicting unnecessary pain.  When I start to criticise myself, well I stop smiling, my eyes go dull, my energy levels drop and my motivation to do pretty much ANYTHING is down the pan. It’s a downward spiral of misery, who would want to spend time with someone like that? I know I wouldn’t!

If we treat ourselves with love and care and only think positive things about ourselves, that’s when we smile, that’s how we become happy. It really is that simple! When we only have love for ourselves, we are capable of loving others. Our happiness manifests and we attract healthy, loving relationships.

Which brings me to the question, why does self love hold such bad conotations? If by loving yourself you are effectively doing the number one most important thing in spreading more love in a world where it’s clearly needed, why the bad press?

We need to accept that loving ourselves is not just acceptable, it’s essential! And the sooner we can confidently say ‘MAN AM I AWESOME’ without there being anything negative about it, well the sooner we can live in a happier, more peaceful world.

My first experience with LSD

On the bank of the hill overlooking the lake and surrounded by happy revellers I saw myself as others see me, I was filled with love for myself and for the first time,  I felt completely at peace with myself. I held my strong slender legs and saw the blood running through them and thanked them for carrying me places for 22 years. I led back on the grass and saw a bird fly through the sky in slow motion. I smiled and let the LSD take me to the heaven I didn’t know existed.

My experience with acid was a positive one. After being curious about the drug for a long time but always too scared to try it, at a festival in North Wales I trusted my surroundings and company and decided to take my first tab.  Drugs is an ambiguous issue for me, I don’t like to condone the use of them and need to stress that despite my personal experiences I am not a chemist or a scientist, and I cannot guarantee my own safety is sure.  However, I would like to share my personal experience with you.

LSD is a psychedelic drug and it can take you to heaven or to hell, depending on your surroundings and who you are as a person.  For years, I have downtrodden the love I should have always had for myself. Too often I have annihilated any chance of true happiness because of an unfading hatred for my body and a negative mind that never ceased.

Negativity is something many of us encounter every day, and most of the time subconsciously.  Changing the way you think is not an easy task, it takes dedication and educating yourself. The negative thinking patterns that ruled my life were ingrained in me, and where hard to change. But realising that a change needed to happen was the turning point in my happiness, and when I started to change these negative thoughts.

When I took LSD, for me it was a spiritual experience. I reached my heaven. What I had been trying to change in my thinking for so many months prior suddenly vanished and I was left feeling at complete peace with my mind and my body.  Although I knew that this was because of the illegal substance I had taken, I still knew that the feelings and thoughts I had were real.

What was amazing for me was that I knew I could reach this level of self-love without the drug too, and I knew that when I got there my life would be much better.  It’s been about four weeks since I first took LSD, and no I do not feel completely changed since then. What it has left me with however is an increased desire and willingness to reach that state of mind again and to stay there.

To live a truly happy life, free from self loathing and guilt, well surely that’s what every one of wants to achieve right?

I have no intentions of taking LSD again in a hurry, but neither will I say I will never take it again.  It was a positive experience for me and one that allowed me to feel what true happiness is, and why we should all be striving for that.

Me, Myself and Glastonbury

I often find that the most impulsive and spontaneous decisions turn out to be the best.

Last Monday I decided I was going to Glastonbury festival.  The only person I knew going was a guy I’d met two weeks earlier, I had an exact £100 to my name and I wasn’t entirely sure I even had a tent. All I knew was that it was a wonderful opportunity that could not be missed.

The next day I was up at 6am, about to embark on an exciting trip to one of the worlds highest regarded festivals; Glastonbury!

My friend of two weeks could not have been friendlier. We both sat in the front of the minibus driving down the M4 munching away on fresh pastries and discussing which acts we were excited to see.

Within seconds of arriving at the campsite I was sat down with four new friends. Robyn, an actor from London and a whiskey enthusiast handed me a spliff and a plastic tumbler filled with bourbon filling me with confidence that it was going to be a great week.

And I did. I had an amazing week! I made some real friends whom I will definitely see again.  I had fun working on the bar serving cocktails, I ate a tonne of delicious festival food, danced all night to my favourite DJ’s and cried to Chet Faker in the daytime.  I got high and drunk to mungo’s hifi, laughed until my belly hurt with complete strangers and danced in a hidden irish bar.  When it got cold we sat around campfires at stone circle, we watched the sunrise across Glastonbury and we drank bloody mary’s at 8am.

I saw grandma’s dance to pharell, ate chocolate crepes for lunch, trudged around in the mud and bought a whole new outfit from oxfam. I danced under a giant spider that breathed fire, meditated at midnight and smiled at every person I saw.

I haven’t had so much fun in a long time, and truth be told I have never felt quite so myself in a long time, which made me wonder why?

It didn’t take a lot of guessing. I had delved in to the unknown head over heels. I had no expectations, no routine, no stress. I was open to anything, I made real friends because i was acting and behaving like my real self, and that was the best feeling of all.

Try it yourself. Buy yourself a festival ticket and just take your pop up tent and a positive attitude, because from my experience, that is all you need to have a good time. (And maybe a pillow and sleeping bag!)

Gaining Perspective

As a young person, I can’t deny that there must have countless occasions where I took out the unhappiness I felt about myself out on others.  We see this happening all around us, people are usually irritable or ‘snappy’ when they are feeling unhappy within themselves.  Most of us don’t even question this, we think about those people as grumpy and we tend to avoid them because of this, after all… Who wants to spend time around someone who is constantly creating a bad atmosphere?

Well recently I haven’t been able to avoid this situation.  I met a lady who is in my Spanish class and I have spent every morning with her, five days a week for four weeks.  Not only have I noticed this woman’s negative behaviours and had time to think about why she is acting in this way, but I have also had time to reflect and think about how I have reacted to these behaviours and how I have made judgements about her in my mind and subsequently taken a disliking to her.

In almost every lesson, Val has something to complain about. She becomes sullen if the teacher corrects her and she is rude to the other students if they interrupt her (despite it being a class discussion…) She dominates the classroom and often makes small remarks if she’s unhappy about something.  She is a retired woman in a classroom with three twenty-year olds who seem to me much more mature, which makes me question what it is that makes her this way?

I came to the conclusion she must be deeply unhappy with something in her life, why else would she feel the need to complain about the most unnecessary things? I know myself that when I am worrying about something big, or when I’m angry about something, I usualy take it out on something or somone completely irrelevent.  It makes no sense, but at the same time it makes all of the sense.

My initial response to Val was of dislike. I could not help but roll my eyes and feel annoyed when each time she kicked up a fuss about something.  It was when I realised how unhappy she must be that I stopped feeling irritated.  Instead I now feel pitty towards her.  This sixty year old woman is filled with bitterness, and she has never learnt how to cope with it or challenge it. That must be a tiring and unfulfilling life, I thought.

Which is why I am so grateful, and so glad that I am challenging all of my negative thoughts as soon as they pop in to my head.  I don’t want them to stay there and become engrained in my mind.  Happy thoughts breed happier thoughts, and I only wish more people would realise this so they too could be free from bitterness and negativity.

When someone is happy it is so plain to see.  When someone is unhappy it’s also plain to see in the way they talk about themselves and to others, their actions and their opinions all stem from unhappiness, which is a dangerous slippery and hazy slope guys.

I am twenty-two, I’m not claiming that I know everything, but what I do know is that age isn’t what makes you wise. What makes you wise is knowing how to live a happy life, and how to be the truest, happiest, best version of yourself.

Happy_Lows

Affogato good you were!

For those of you who are unfortunately unfamiliar with the affogato, it is:

Rich Italian espresso poured over soft vanilla gelato.

It’s a classic, no frills no fuss dessert for the coffee lover and ice cream devotee. I’m an affogato purist and if ever I see a wafer or a drizzle of chocolate tarnishing my favourite after dinner treat, it just won’t be Affogato.

It’s simplicity is what makes it so deeply satisfying.  And yet, the affogato is a layered dessert.  The first bite is always a surprise to the senses with the hotness of the espresso against the ice cold gelato. Towards the end, the creamy gelato has melted and combined with the rich taste of the coffee, leaving you with a frappe of sorts, which is my favourite bit.

If you have any coffee/ice cream specialities I may not have heard of then please let me know.  It will however be difficult to beat this particular Italian delight.

“Wear Sunscreen”

My friend sent me this video tonight and It’s definitely struck a chord with me.  Please don’t be put of by it’s 90s style! It’s worth watching and the message isn’t one that will ever become outdates anyhow.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwVVpwBKUp0

Such a simple concept, but one that is hard for many of us to follow. This same advice has been given to us by our elders, by journalists, spiritualists, strangers and even our friends and families.  Live young, do what makes you happy and live a life full of laughter and love. There really is nothing else to it, nothing is more important than that, nothing. Not your bank statements, A-Level grades, waist measurements or hair length!

‘I’m going to get my life sorted’ and ‘When my life really starts’ are things I hear myself say far too often and my friends. Our life has already started, now it’s time to make sure we live it the way we want, fulfilling our deepest desires.

When you set out on a journey of happiness, everything in your life improves immediately. Everything will improve for the people IN your life too, carry them with you and spread your positivity to every single corner of the world. That is my objective.

Happy_Lows

Breaking Habits

Maxwell Malts claims it takes t 21 days to break a habit.

The harmful ‘habits’ or rules we create in our minds can sometimes feel so ‘normal’ that we don’t even think about changing them.  We convince ourselves that they are the personal traits that make us who we are, ‘I have an obsessive mind’ or ‘I have an addictive personality’ are excuses I hear myself make all too often to rationalise my behaviours.

But what I know now from the help of friends and books is that we have the power to stop these habits, and that it is possible to remove them from our lives for good.  I don’t know if it takes 21 days, it might take 2 or it might take 200. What I know is that I am prepared to give it a damn good go.

Like I said, we have become so accustomed to some of these behaviours and habits that we almost do them subconsciously. This is why it’s important to think about your actions and challenge damaging habits every day.  Think about what your goal is, what habits you want to lose, what behaviours you want to change. Personally I want to stop calorie counting, I don’t want to make food choices based on calorie content and I want to be able to eat a healthy, balanced diet intuitively.

Here’s an example of one challenge I have already faced and conquered today:

I decided yesterday that I was going to really really try to stop counting calories. When I woke up today this was still at the forefront of my mind. I made a salad for lunch and was probably already planning on what fruits I would have to eat that day (without even noticing!)

When it came to lunch time I went down to the canteen to eat my salad with my colleagues.  The staff food smelt really good today, and when I asked a friend what was on the menu I found it was Squid in its ink with black rice (a typical Spanish dish.) Without barely any hesitation I put my intuitive hat on and asked for a plateful.

Despite already having lunch prepared I opted for the school dinner which was what I was craving the most. I can have the salad tonight or tomorrow or I can even offer it to someone else, who knows, the fate of the salad does not need to be determined.

After finishing my plate of food I could see oil on my plate, and whereas this usually scares me, today I felt nothing. Oil is meant for cooking, and there are bigger monsters in this world to be afraid of.

Afterwards I felt energised, I’d successfully managed to change my plan around food and also ate unknown calories. I can’t wait to challenge myself again, because each bad habit kicked is making me one step closer to my goal.

Happy_Lows X

I will be free

Today is a special day.

Today I am fully committing to a healthier life.

I am done with all the things that don’t serve me and bring me down.

I QUIT WEIGHING MYSELF

I QUIT COUNTING CALORIES

I QUIT INSTAGRAM

I QUIT MINDLESS EATING

I will be free.

April

Last night ended in another awful post night out binge episode for me.  I ate 5 chocolate biscuits, a nutella sandwich and two chocolate bars. I am ashamed of course and feel disgusted, and I hope nobody even reads this for that reason, but at the same time, I must accept it for what it was and move on.

It’s not actually the amount of calories or weight gain that upsets me after binging. What upsets me is that every time I tell myself it’s the last time, and when it happens again I am just overwhelmed with disappointment and a sense of failure.

Which leads me to the conclusion that clearly these episodes keep happening because I am not preventing them from happening. I am still restricting half the week and overeating the other half, which is not a healthy way to maintain my weight (or sanity!)

How can I expect to overcome these episodes if I’m not willing to overcome all my other issues?

I genuinely want to be rid of these problems, I hate who I become and what consumes my mind.

Today marks the first day I WILL be binge free. I can do it! I believe in myself, and most importantly I believe I deserve it X

Review: Brunch and Cake

The problem with Brunch and Cake is that there have been too many damn reviews written about the place.  I did not stumble upon this little place just off of Carrer D’Arrago, I knew exactly where it was before I’d even moved to Barcelona. And so does everyone else who brunches here apparently.

When passing this little place, which looks gorgeous and chic, you’d be wondering what was going on.  There’s a constant crowd of tourists waiting outside for a table, all of them impatiently nagging at the waitresses asking how long until it’s their turn to brunch.

It’s an Instagram food bloggers dream you see. Any one of the dishes from the menu will guarantee you a good amount of likes, because it’s all so beautifully presented on white enamel plates. Be sure to angle your phone so that you catch a glimpse of the mile high oreo cake sitting on the counter too, because you can’t eat that but you should get a picture anyway. Lol.

We sat outside when a table came up for us, which was perfect as it was a sunny day anyway. We ordered our food and waited patiently, enjoying the buzz of everyone around us.  That was until I actually stopped to listen to what everyone was saying.

Not a lot.

‘Click, click, click.’ ‘Tap, tap, tap.’ The beautiful sound of Iphones.

The girls who came and sat next to us barked at the waitress before they’d even had a chance to sit down, ‘We want to order now!’  The group of friends sitting across from us all darted for their phones as soon as they saw that their food was coming, almost trying to take a picture before it had even reached their table.

I’m a massive hypocrite of course, I love taking photographs in restaurants. What I hate is that people don’t know when to draw the line anymore. I wish I could ask them, ‘Are you enjoying how that tastes? Or are you enjoying how the picture you just took looks?’

People have gone crazy! Myself included. What’s going to happen if we don’t have battery, or if we can’t take a photo? Will we enjoy the experience less? I think with a lot of people the latter is probably true. If it didn’t go on Instagram, then it might as well not have happened. This attitude is really bloody depressing, and I’m proud to say that I’m becoming more and more aware of it within myself and stopping myself from getting sucked in to it.

What’s funny is that Brunch and Cake, which is probably one of the most popular brunch spots in Barcelona, could not be less Spanish.  It looks like it belongs in London, serving eggs benedict and fluffy pancakes, with shabby chic interior and slogans like ‘In Grandmothers We Trust!’

I don’t know, I have a love-hate relationship with foodies, Insta and places like Brunch & Cake. The important thing I do now though is to just enjoy my coffee regardless if I took a photo or not.