Humans are needy creatures. We constantly seek acceptance, assurance, love. We find it difficult being alone or to feel neglected, it makes us anxious and uneasy. But relying on someone else to provide you your happiness is a dangerous game, and the risk of it ending badly is high.
I admit, I am a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic. I believe in love, following your heart, never letting go of what you want, doing what feels right (you know the score). I am also a very corny person who loves nothing more than reading a bit of Plath when upset.
I realise, that in the name of love, I would happily sacrifice many things in my own life to please someone else. If it meant making them happy, I would consider moving for them, changing my plans for them and even putting my life on hold for them, all for someone who wasn’t even sure they wanted me in theirs. Of course, I’m not the first one to have these thoughts, and I won’t be the last, when you’re in love you do stupid things.
Ironically, I am a firm believer that you should always do what you want to do, and that things will always work out the way they were supposed to, if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be (I really am this cliche, it’s not a front). I always thought that the best way to be in a relationship, was to let the other person be their own person, let them do what they wanted to do, don’t be a burden. I really thought that if that person really loved me, then that was enough, we would naturally vibrate back in to each others lives.
But something has changed recently, and I am glad that it has. I realise that even if people come back together, even if it’s meant to be, that might be a false hope, and I cannot and will no longer hold on to it. You cannot live your life according to someone else’s. You cannot hold on to ‘maybes’ and postpone your future in the hope it will all work out the way you wanted it to, especially when the person in question might not be willing to do the same for you.
It’s okay to lose hope, and move on with your own life. It’s not so much that your feelings for the other person have changed, or that you love them less. It’s more about loving yourself more, and being happy alone. I’m tired of wondering what’s going to happen in the future, right now I’m thinking about today, and I’m looking out for myself.
Happy Lows 