Gaining Perspective

As a young person, I can’t deny that there must have countless occasions where I took out the unhappiness I felt about myself out on others.  We see this happening all around us, people are usually irritable or ‘snappy’ when they are feeling unhappy within themselves.  Most of us don’t even question this, we think about those people as grumpy and we tend to avoid them because of this, after all… Who wants to spend time around someone who is constantly creating a bad atmosphere?

Well recently I haven’t been able to avoid this situation.  I met a lady who is in my Spanish class and I have spent every morning with her, five days a week for four weeks.  Not only have I noticed this woman’s negative behaviours and had time to think about why she is acting in this way, but I have also had time to reflect and think about how I have reacted to these behaviours and how I have made judgements about her in my mind and subsequently taken a disliking to her.

In almost every lesson, Val has something to complain about. She becomes sullen if the teacher corrects her and she is rude to the other students if they interrupt her (despite it being a class discussion…) She dominates the classroom and often makes small remarks if she’s unhappy about something.  She is a retired woman in a classroom with three twenty-year olds who seem to me much more mature, which makes me question what it is that makes her this way?

I came to the conclusion she must be deeply unhappy with something in her life, why else would she feel the need to complain about the most unnecessary things? I know myself that when I am worrying about something big, or when I’m angry about something, I usualy take it out on something or somone completely irrelevent.  It makes no sense, but at the same time it makes all of the sense.

My initial response to Val was of dislike. I could not help but roll my eyes and feel annoyed when each time she kicked up a fuss about something.  It was when I realised how unhappy she must be that I stopped feeling irritated.  Instead I now feel pitty towards her.  This sixty year old woman is filled with bitterness, and she has never learnt how to cope with it or challenge it. That must be a tiring and unfulfilling life, I thought.

Which is why I am so grateful, and so glad that I am challenging all of my negative thoughts as soon as they pop in to my head.  I don’t want them to stay there and become engrained in my mind.  Happy thoughts breed happier thoughts, and I only wish more people would realise this so they too could be free from bitterness and negativity.

When someone is happy it is so plain to see.  When someone is unhappy it’s also plain to see in the way they talk about themselves and to others, their actions and their opinions all stem from unhappiness, which is a dangerous slippery and hazy slope guys.

I am twenty-two, I’m not claiming that I know everything, but what I do know is that age isn’t what makes you wise. What makes you wise is knowing how to live a happy life, and how to be the truest, happiest, best version of yourself.

Happy_Lows

“Wear Sunscreen”

My friend sent me this video tonight and It’s definitely struck a chord with me.  Please don’t be put of by it’s 90s style! It’s worth watching and the message isn’t one that will ever become outdates anyhow.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwVVpwBKUp0

Such a simple concept, but one that is hard for many of us to follow. This same advice has been given to us by our elders, by journalists, spiritualists, strangers and even our friends and families.  Live young, do what makes you happy and live a life full of laughter and love. There really is nothing else to it, nothing is more important than that, nothing. Not your bank statements, A-Level grades, waist measurements or hair length!

‘I’m going to get my life sorted’ and ‘When my life really starts’ are things I hear myself say far too often and my friends. Our life has already started, now it’s time to make sure we live it the way we want, fulfilling our deepest desires.

When you set out on a journey of happiness, everything in your life improves immediately. Everything will improve for the people IN your life too, carry them with you and spread your positivity to every single corner of the world. That is my objective.

Happy_Lows

No blogger, no influence #justme

I actually saw this tag line on an old lady’s bag today and it really brought a smile to my face.

As I already mentioned in a previous post, I made the conscious decision to delete Instagram on the weekend. This might not seem like a big deal for most people, but maybe most people haven’t stopped to think how damaging social media can actually be.

The way we interact and communicate has changed at a significant rate in my lifetime alone.  I remember as a teenager growing up and cursing dial up, rushing home to sign on to msn, updating my bebo ‘skin’ in an effort to try and make myself come across in a certain way.

Now Bebo has gone of course, Facebook and Instagram are the leading social media sites, and it scares me just how much power they actually have over society.

Personally I found that Instagram was making me miserable. It was taking up so much of my energy and I wasn’t getting anything back.

What’s funny is that a couple of days after I deleted the app, some of the most ridiculous worries buzzed through my head.  “What about all those pictures I can never get back?” “Like my birthday breakfast?” “What about the people I only connect with via Instagram? How will I speak to them?” When I realised how ridiculous this all sounded, I had to laugh. Surely there was a time where I could enjoy a birthday breakfast without having to document it. The memories we make and remember are the memories where we are too happy and laughing too hard to remember to take a photo.

Worrying about getting everything on camera is just taking you away from enjoying whats right there in front of you.  You don’t have to follow my lead and delete the app too.  But next time you’re having breakfast with your boyfriend, leave the phone in your bag, give him a kiss instead. Next time your baby does something funny, think about how wonderful and cute she it, not YouTube.

No comparison, no influence we are most beautiful when we are our natural selves, and that means just being you. You don’t need 30K followers, you’re avocado on toast is just as tasty without 50 likes, trust me.

Start living your life and stop worrying about sharing it all with the internet. Who cares if you’re 600 friends on facebook didn’t know about that amazing gig you went to last night, the important friends will know because they will have been there with you.

Happy_Lows

I am me, and I am enough

I was sixteen. I was at that age where you’re really seen as a teenager. Many people still say they feel sixteen even in their thirties and forties and eighties even, personally, I couldn’t feel further away from that age.

I was notorious for changing my hair. I’d have it short and blonde for three months of the year, then it would suddenly be long and dark, and then when I was bored of that I’d do something really different with it, like dye it red and buy curly extensions. This may seem like a trivial little detail of my teenage years, but reflecting back, I can see it was quite a big indicator to how I felt about myself growing up.

I never experienced any big trauma, no violence, I didn’t lose anyone close to me. For years I was so confused as to how I became anorexic, why I started to lose interest in life, what reason did I have to feel depressed? At just sixteen? I did the treatment, I ‘recovered’, I went to Uni, and I forced myself in to believing that the thoughts and guilt surrounding food was just something i’d have to live with. That was until this year.

You could call it a mini relapse, I lost weight that’s for sure, I intended to lose weight. I counted calories and restricted myself, and I was happy to see the number go down again. My weight didn’t go down to near as low as it had been previously, but the cold fact staring right at me was that I never truly recovered, and I never really tried.

See, being underweight, being a cause for concern, well that made me feel special. It gave me a sense of identity, a label I guess. Looking back at my teenage years, I was always worried about not fitting in. I was never a part of any clique if you will, I was the one listening to fall out boy in the morning and then ashanti in the evening. I didn’t fit in to any category, I wasn’t especially good at anything, I had nothing I was really passionate about. The hair changes make sense now, I was always trying to change my identity.

The same goes with social networking sites. I find that I am always changing my profile picture. This is not because I’m vain, or because I love how I look, it’s quite the opposite if anything. I’m always unhappy with how I come across, I’m always worried about what label people are going to put on me, and this is the biggest thing I need to change in my life.

We are not in Hogwarts, we can’t just wear a hat that will pick out all of our traits and decide which house we belong to. Neither can we force ourselves to search for our passions and interests. I’m not claiming to be anything anymore, I’m not trying to fit in to any style or clique or group. For the first time, I can happily say ‘I am me, and I am enough.’

Thank You 2014

2014. What a funny year you were. Maybe many things happened that I was expecting, I turned twenty-one, I graduated, Simon and I actually went on our road trip. But many things also happened that I just didn’t see coming. Simon and I relapsed and was on autopilot for a while, my friendship group changed completely. A lot of shitty things happened, but I am thankful still for those shitty moments, even very recent ones, as recent as last nights even.

Because with every shitty thing that’s happened, I have learnt something valuable. I have grown as a person over this last year, more so than any other year. I feel like I know myself so much better because of what I have felt. When you are right at the bottom, it’s like you have a little pep talk with yourself, you know it’s a life-changing moment when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, and yet there’s a small voice in your head saying ‘we’ll try again tomorrow’

We cannot hold on to guilt and self-hate. Yes, we feel these these all of the time, we constantly feel like we aren’t hitting the mark, but these negative thoughts are plaguing our present, and they are stopping us from feeling true happiness.  Of course, we WILL always make mistakes in life, that’s human nature! Bad things WILL come our way, we WILL have to deal with bad situations. Those are our daily struggles and problems, but we cannot change that. What we CAN change, is how we react to those problems. If we let them seep their way in to our thoughts, they will take over the reins of our minds, and it will become very difficult to return to a state of happiness.

Instead of giving in to these bad thoughts, we need to separate ourselves from whatever the problem is.

I am not claiming to be anything. I am not a psychologist, I am not a philosopher. But I am Lowri, and that is enough. The changes I have seen in myself over the past year is amazing, like I said, there were of course bad days, but they have brought me to where I am now, and I am so happy with where I am now. Hopefully, the more I read, and the more positive I become, I will understand all of this a bit better.

Until then I am just dancing in my own happy vibes.

Me, Myself and I

Humans are needy creatures. We constantly seek acceptance, assurance, love. We find it difficult being alone or to feel neglected, it makes us anxious and uneasy. But relying on someone else to provide you your happiness is a dangerous game, and the risk of it ending badly is high.

I admit, I am a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic. I believe in love, following your heart, never letting go of what you want, doing what feels right (you know the score). I am also a very corny person who loves nothing more than reading a bit of Plath when upset.

I realise, that in the name of love, I would happily sacrifice many things in my own life to please someone else. If it meant making them happy, I would consider moving for them, changing my plans for them and even putting my life on hold for them, all for someone who wasn’t even sure they wanted me in theirs.  Of course, I’m not the first one to have these thoughts, and I won’t be the last, when you’re in love you do stupid things.

Ironically, I am a firm believer that you should always do what you want to do, and that things will always work out the way they were supposed to, if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be (I really am this cliche, it’s not a front).  I always thought that the best way to be in a relationship, was to let the other person be their own person, let them do what they wanted to do, don’t be a burden. I really thought that if that person really loved me, then that was enough, we would naturally vibrate back in to each others lives.

But something has changed recently, and I am glad that it has.  I realise that even if people come back together, even if it’s meant to be, that might be a false hope, and I cannot and will no longer hold on to it.  You cannot live your life according to someone else’s.  You cannot hold on to ‘maybes’ and postpone your future in the hope it will all work out the way you wanted it to, especially when the person in question might not be willing to do the same for you.

It’s okay to lose hope, and move on with your own life. It’s not so much that your feelings for the other person have changed, or that you love them less. It’s more about loving yourself more, and being happy alone. I’m tired of wondering what’s going to happen in the future, right now I’m thinking about today, and I’m looking out for myself.

Nature’s dancing without us

The problem with us humans is that we are victims of of our own illusory superiority.

We claim to be earths greatest evolutionary species, moral and intelligent, yet we still justify pain and suffering on the basis of tradition and ‘survival of the fittest.’ Highly hypocritical I would say? If we have evolved so much and understand the world we live in, surely our actions and behaviours are due to change too? Our traditions should be altered also? otherwise we are living in the past.

Humanity takes centre stage…

We are so caught up in how great OUR species is doing, we have detached ourselves from the rest of the natural world.  We have convinced ourselves we have out done them, we are better than them, we are the fittest.  We find it ridiculous that animals can have morals or feel emotion. Humans separate dairy cows from their babies on their day of birth, for milk. We skin cows and rabbits and wear them as clothing, so we can look fashionable.  We train dogs to kill birds and call it sport. We abuse horses and call it ‘betting’. We blind cats just to make sure the mascara doesn’t irritate our eyes.

We sit in the houses we built, we stare at the television we invented watching the programme we created.

And outside nature carries on without us.

Seasons change, animals survive, bees pollinate.

Tonight I found out something that made me think very long and hard about my existence.

In my twenty years of life on earth I have travelled 171,166,125,750 km through the milky way.

When I first read this, I pictured myself sitting on the top of the earth, flying though space like an animation.  Clearly, not a very realistic imagination, and that’s because I can’t see it. I can’t see myself as a part of earth, or the human race for that matter, because of this constant insistance that we are better than any thing else in nature, when in fact we ARE nature.

Of course, human evolution is amazing. But what’s not amazing is the abuse and suffering we have caused for the rest of earth. How we have killed and destroyed, exploited and ruined.

Here’s a Tribal Story I quite like and inspired me;

Once upon a time, all animals on earth were the same and at one. They all looked different on the outside but were the same on the inside.  Every month the animals would gather in a sacred cave, and they would all shed their skin, celebrate their unity and dance.  When a human saw them dancing together in the cave, he left. The animals were embarrassed and scared, and they fled, never revealing themselves again.

The story’s message is that we are all the same underneath.  Under the skin, scales, fur, feathers.   It is sad that so many of us will live our lives not wanting to connect with nature.

It’s coming up to my vegetarian anniversary, the best decision I ever made. I am also converting to Vegan, because it feels right for me. I am trying to spend more time looking at the sky instead of a screen, but I need a little reminding at times.

I hope more people have the epiphany I had, because it’s time to make good for what we did at that sacred cave all those years ago.

It’s time to join the dance.

Happy Lows

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