How to cope after overeating

Be it a post club Mcdonalds or a post break up ice cream pint, overeating for the wrong reasons or binging not only leaves us in physical discomfort, but is detrimental to our mental wellbeing.

For most of us, binge eating will occur when we least expect it, meaning there’s no time to close the flood gates.  In between sobs of despair and screams of frustration, you’ve suddenly consumed three peanut butter sandwiches, a couple chocolate bars and a great deal of self-hate, and you’ll be wishing you knew how you could of prevented this.

It’s easy to search for the quick fix, purging.  You’ll imprison yourself to your bathroom floor and chain yourself to the toilet and punish yourself repeatedly for letting yourself lose control.  You might put your trainers on and run out the door on a ten mile mania run.  You shun food for the next twenty-four hours, convinced this will balance the calorie distribution.

But all of these ‘quick fixes’ only set us up for another failure.  Yes, a binge is a slip up, it’s an awful, damaging slip up that often makes us crave a quick fix to correct our mistake.  But we should not take binge eating so light heartedly, it cannot be fixed over night.  We need to look at the deeper meaning of why it happens in the first place, we need to challenge the bad thinking patterns that result in these binges, and we need to think in a different way in order to fully understand our actions, so we can prevent it happening again.

I have suffered from disordered eating for some years, and it is not a straight forward illness. It’s deceitful, shameful, full of self-hate and pity, and worst of all, it is always changing. My bad habits change from year to year, and when I feel that I have challenged and overcome one thing, suddenly something else will seep it’s way in and poison my happiness.  Binging for me has always been the hardest one to overcome, but I am 100% certain that it is something that can be overcome.

1.  Don’t beat yourself up Like i said previously, these quick fixes we seek after a food binge are also harmful to our mental wellbeing. Do not purge, do not try and punish yourself for something that has already happened. Binging carries enough self hate in itself, you don’t need the added loath that comes with purging/starvation.

2. Think about why it happened How did you feel just before the binge? Did something upset you? What was running through your mind? Think about all these things and write them down in a journal, try and figure out what lead you to binging in the first place.

3. Keep moving If the weight of the food is painful and causing you discomfort, do not lie down. Lying down will cause heartburn and make you feel worse, go on a light walk, engage in some light yoga or maybe just do the hoovering. This will make you feel better physically and mentally.

4. Talk Maybe you don’t want to talk about the incident, but talking to somebody about the most trivial things even can make you feel better and less alone. Phone a friend, go down to your local coffee shop, don’t shut yourself off.

The Next Day

5. Don’t weigh yourself the number on the scale will most probably be inaccurate anyway, so why bother? Yes technology has come a far way in the last decade, but they are yet to devise a scale that can calculate your self worth.  Instead of weighing yourself, look at yourself in the mirror and say ‘Good Morning, Today I chose to take care of myself!’ 

6. Healthy Mindful Eating Personally, I am still not at a place where I can happily say that I eat intuitively, if I was then these emotional binging episodes wouldn’t occur would they? So the morning after a binge, what I like to do is make a nice healthy breakfast, and to be mindful of what I’m eating. Yes I try and opt for what I want, but I also make sure it’s healthy and the right portion size. When I’m eating i appreciate each mouthful and eat slowly, food is medicine after all nourishment for the mind and body.

7. Have a great day Now you are ready to move on from yesterday, dwelling on what has already happened is completely futile and will only lead to more self-hate and harm.  Make a list of all the things you’d like to get done that day, then start on them. This will make you feel like you are moving on from the binge, and that a new positive day is possible.

I hope this helps somebody who is feeling lost and confused the day after a binge. You are not alone and have nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about. It is a mental illness, and so you need to challenge your thinking patterns. The most wonderful thing is that you can decide to change your life for the better right this minute.

If anyone would like to personal message me for more information then please do, I have no official qualifications, but I have a lot of experience.

Big Love for Big Rock

I’m not a fussy eater really, I don’t eat meat and I don’t like fast food, but those are lifestyle choices, I’ll try anything, I tried crickets last week.  What I am incredibly fastidious about however is the environment I’m eating in.  If I’m eating out, the attention to detail in the restaurants decor really does add to my experience of eating there. There have been times even where I have simply walked in to a cafe and made a U-turn before looking at the menu, simply because I don’t like the seating! It’s a wonder my friends don’t think me arrogant.

I don’t see this as being pompous or conceited in the slightest either.  I go out for dinner wanting the whole experience, I want to walk in to a little family-run pizzeria in Cardiff and feel like I’m in Naples. This is why I like eating out, It’s a moment of escapism from my regular kitchen table, it’s a small flicker of a holiday, and I like to revel in it.

My most recent dining experience was at Big Rock Cafe in Porthmadog yesterday.  This place is so wonderfully decorated, from the rustic fresh bread display to the recycled Lyle&Tate sugar pots.  The whole place bursts with atmosphere, it’s warm and inviting, has a really eco-friendly and honest vibe, and it almost feels like you’ve walked in to the back of a bakery.

Fresh focaccia straight from the oven

I have been eating out a lot recently, maybe up to three times a week.  Despite absolutely loving an excuse to eat out, the unknown calories and rich foods is often a cause for concern with me. I was lucky enough to be out with my 81 year old Grandmother, who never lets me pay for anything, so who can say no to a free lunch right? One day I will repay her for her generosity.  Life really is too short to not go on lunch dates with your loved ones anyway, and it meant a lot to her to just have the company.  My priority yesterday was being an excellent date to my Gran, and so the worries of cheese and oil were pushed right to the back of my mind.

Opted for the special ‘Leek and Cheddar Hash’ with a fried egg, salad and a hunk of fresh bread

If anyones heading up to lovely North Wales anytime soon, make sure you pop in to Big Rock for a bite to eat. It’s cheap, oozing with character and the food is wholesomely delicious.

Thank You 2014

2014. What a funny year you were. Maybe many things happened that I was expecting, I turned twenty-one, I graduated, Simon and I actually went on our road trip. But many things also happened that I just didn’t see coming. Simon and I relapsed and was on autopilot for a while, my friendship group changed completely. A lot of shitty things happened, but I am thankful still for those shitty moments, even very recent ones, as recent as last nights even.

Because with every shitty thing that’s happened, I have learnt something valuable. I have grown as a person over this last year, more so than any other year. I feel like I know myself so much better because of what I have felt. When you are right at the bottom, it’s like you have a little pep talk with yourself, you know it’s a life-changing moment when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, and yet there’s a small voice in your head saying ‘we’ll try again tomorrow’

We cannot hold on to guilt and self-hate. Yes, we feel these these all of the time, we constantly feel like we aren’t hitting the mark, but these negative thoughts are plaguing our present, and they are stopping us from feeling true happiness.  Of course, we WILL always make mistakes in life, that’s human nature! Bad things WILL come our way, we WILL have to deal with bad situations. Those are our daily struggles and problems, but we cannot change that. What we CAN change, is how we react to those problems. If we let them seep their way in to our thoughts, they will take over the reins of our minds, and it will become very difficult to return to a state of happiness.

Instead of giving in to these bad thoughts, we need to separate ourselves from whatever the problem is.

I am not claiming to be anything. I am not a psychologist, I am not a philosopher. But I am Lowri, and that is enough. The changes I have seen in myself over the past year is amazing, like I said, there were of course bad days, but they have brought me to where I am now, and I am so happy with where I am now. Hopefully, the more I read, and the more positive I become, I will understand all of this a bit better.

Until then I am just dancing in my own happy vibes.

Self-Love

I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart; I am, I am, I am.

This quote has stuck with me ever since I first came across it, reading The Bell Jar. I truly believe that knowing yourself as a person is paramount to being happy. All of our life experiences, even the dark times help us to understand ourselves, and I am thankful in some ways that I have felt so low, because now I am so aware of myself, I have a new found love for myself.

‘I need to sort my life out!’

This is something we tell ourselves often, when we’ve made mistakes, feel regret, or have embarrassed ourselves in some way. When we’re nursing a hangover, cringing about the night before, cursing ourselves for acting so recklessly.  This morning I woke up, feeling a bit groggy. Within a minute I remembered what a drunk state I was in last night. I’d lost my phone, kissed someone from work, ate a lot of food and probably said one or two things I shouldn’t have. I thought to myself ‘I need to sort my life out!’

But the reality is this;

Life is life. Every day you are alive. The days at work, the days on the beach, the nights in front of the TV, the hungover mornings. Each day, whatever you do, is your life. You cannot ‘sort’ life, and you must accept that.

Life is sporadic, life sometimes feels patchy.  One thing I know is that you just have to take it, embrace every day for what it is, good or bad it is your life and your story.

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The Career Click

It’s a rarity to be sitting in my bed thinking about writing. The last few weeks have seen me juggle three jobs, take on a Vegan diet (and seriously) and come to terms with the future of mine and Simon’s relationship. There’s been a lot of emotional and physical stress, but I have been too busy to even notice. Until now, that is.

Why the three jobs? Well for one, my bank balance is not looking good and I need to make it healthy again, (that and the fact I got a letter from Student Finance suggesting I start repaying my loan). I am also much happier when I’m busy, it gives me a sense of purpose and accomplishment, and allows me to channel all of my obsessive traits in to a positive cause.

Two of these jobs are in catering. I work behind a cocktail bar serving drinks, and I work at a creparie, making crepes. The third job is in retail, at Urban Outiftters, which I love.

Although I never really considered a future in any of these industries, I cannot help but think that sometimes, if you enjoy something and you are good at it, you have to pursue that and think about how you can grow and develop in THAT field, and not chase something that might not actually be suited for you.  I am good at all three of my jobs, and I am praised for my good work, which always makes a difference and makes me WANT to go to work. To quote someone (because I cannot find a reference!) ‘Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated’ 

I kept telling myself ‘I want to be a writer! I want to be a journalist!’ I have told myself this for three years. I think I was lying, it’s easy to convince yourself you want something if you’re not actually sure, it’s easier to repeat the lie to other people, so that you don’t have to admit that you actually haven’t got a clue what you want to do with your career.

I don’t think I’m cut out to be a Journalist. Yes I love writing, but about things I care about, things which are of interest to ME, which is why WordPress is such a blessing. Being a ruthless news journalist however? poking my nose in to everyones business, exploiting peoples lives? That just does not sound like me.

I don’t want a career in retail, not forever anyway. It’s fun right now when I’m twenty-one and can fully benefit the discounted clothes and act like a walking advert for Urban Outfitters. My colleagues are kind and fun, and it’s a good experience to be working in a busy shop over christmas.

The bar job is also definitely temporary. It’s great for making contacts and gaining some useful cocktail making skills (which will no doubt come in handy on christmas day) but the late finishes and busy shifts are getting too much, especially after already working a full day.

The creparie however, I love. I realise that I am actually good at cooking, I am a perfectionist, and it really makes me happy when I see customers enjoying the food I have made. The restaurant I work for are opening another place in Cardiff which will eventually have a completely vegan menu.  As a new vegan myself, this excites me incredibly. It has also ignited a dream within me, a dream of owning a vegan restaurant of my own.

It just clicked for me, that this is what I want to do. I want my own business, I have faith and belief that I can do this and that it will be successful. It is such a lovely feeling when you have a dream, one that was maybe very unexpected and just drifted in to your path one day.

Everyone who wanders is not lost, I wasn’t looking for my passion, but I stumbled upon it.

Me, Myself and I

Humans are needy creatures. We constantly seek acceptance, assurance, love. We find it difficult being alone or to feel neglected, it makes us anxious and uneasy. But relying on someone else to provide you your happiness is a dangerous game, and the risk of it ending badly is high.

I admit, I am a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic. I believe in love, following your heart, never letting go of what you want, doing what feels right (you know the score). I am also a very corny person who loves nothing more than reading a bit of Plath when upset.

I realise, that in the name of love, I would happily sacrifice many things in my own life to please someone else. If it meant making them happy, I would consider moving for them, changing my plans for them and even putting my life on hold for them, all for someone who wasn’t even sure they wanted me in theirs.  Of course, I’m not the first one to have these thoughts, and I won’t be the last, when you’re in love you do stupid things.

Ironically, I am a firm believer that you should always do what you want to do, and that things will always work out the way they were supposed to, if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be (I really am this cliche, it’s not a front).  I always thought that the best way to be in a relationship, was to let the other person be their own person, let them do what they wanted to do, don’t be a burden. I really thought that if that person really loved me, then that was enough, we would naturally vibrate back in to each others lives.

But something has changed recently, and I am glad that it has.  I realise that even if people come back together, even if it’s meant to be, that might be a false hope, and I cannot and will no longer hold on to it.  You cannot live your life according to someone else’s.  You cannot hold on to ‘maybes’ and postpone your future in the hope it will all work out the way you wanted it to, especially when the person in question might not be willing to do the same for you.

It’s okay to lose hope, and move on with your own life. It’s not so much that your feelings for the other person have changed, or that you love them less. It’s more about loving yourself more, and being happy alone. I’m tired of wondering what’s going to happen in the future, right now I’m thinking about today, and I’m looking out for myself.

Post uni angst

As a recent graduate, I can tell you now, nothing prepared me for the strange and unnerving phase of post-uni life.

Uni was fun, exciting, spontaneous and life-changing. But Uni was also safe. We saw ourselves as independent, fending for ourselves in a big scary world. Of course, now I’m a graduate looking for employment, I see that all that independence crap was a load of bollocks. We were given money every term to buy ourselves our favourite microwave meals, we were told which nights to go to, we were allowed discount in shops, we didn’t have to pay council tax. Let’s be honest, we were babies being looked after and pampered in a world we had no idea could be so scary.

The pressure of always feeling like I should be studying, writing essays or doing research, has now been replaced by a much worse pressure, the pressure of finding a job. I used to feel proud when I told people I studied English at University, they always praised me and looked impressed. Now everyone wants to know what I’m doing next, and when I explain that I’m not sure, the unease that spreads across their faces is evident.

The uncertainty is worrying, without the added pressure of everyone else wondering what you’re up to.

I may only be twenty-one, but for once, I think I will listen to my own advice:  Don’t Worry. I had a vision that when I finished University I would know exactly what my next step would be and I would work towards that, eventually securing myself a tidy job in London, and I’d move in to my new apartment in Clapham.

Life doesn’t work like that, and just because things don’t always go the way you thought or wanted them to, that doesn’t mean you’re taking a step back or taking the wrong path.

I have also learnt that you should never compare yourselves to others. Some people may land themselves in the exact job they dreamed of, they may have a fancy car before you pass your test, they may also get five promotions before you get your second shift. The important thing is to concentrate on yourself, take your time, work hard and be patient. Things have a way of working themselves out and not everyone lives on the same pace, envying someone else’s success will only deter you from your own goals.

I have no idea what my career holds for me, but the nicest thing is that I no longer care. I realise what is important and what’s not, I am proud of where I am right now and I love who I am as a person, which demonstrates how far I have come. Success isn’t always reflected in your salary, the ultimate success is happiness. But if happiness was a salary, I would have a very big pay rise this year.

Peace,

Happy Lows

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Nature’s dancing without us

The problem with us humans is that we are victims of of our own illusory superiority.

We claim to be earths greatest evolutionary species, moral and intelligent, yet we still justify pain and suffering on the basis of tradition and ‘survival of the fittest.’ Highly hypocritical I would say? If we have evolved so much and understand the world we live in, surely our actions and behaviours are due to change too? Our traditions should be altered also? otherwise we are living in the past.

Humanity takes centre stage…

We are so caught up in how great OUR species is doing, we have detached ourselves from the rest of the natural world.  We have convinced ourselves we have out done them, we are better than them, we are the fittest.  We find it ridiculous that animals can have morals or feel emotion. Humans separate dairy cows from their babies on their day of birth, for milk. We skin cows and rabbits and wear them as clothing, so we can look fashionable.  We train dogs to kill birds and call it sport. We abuse horses and call it ‘betting’. We blind cats just to make sure the mascara doesn’t irritate our eyes.

We sit in the houses we built, we stare at the television we invented watching the programme we created.

And outside nature carries on without us.

Seasons change, animals survive, bees pollinate.

Tonight I found out something that made me think very long and hard about my existence.

In my twenty years of life on earth I have travelled 171,166,125,750 km through the milky way.

When I first read this, I pictured myself sitting on the top of the earth, flying though space like an animation.  Clearly, not a very realistic imagination, and that’s because I can’t see it. I can’t see myself as a part of earth, or the human race for that matter, because of this constant insistance that we are better than any thing else in nature, when in fact we ARE nature.

Of course, human evolution is amazing. But what’s not amazing is the abuse and suffering we have caused for the rest of earth. How we have killed and destroyed, exploited and ruined.

Here’s a Tribal Story I quite like and inspired me;

Once upon a time, all animals on earth were the same and at one. They all looked different on the outside but were the same on the inside.  Every month the animals would gather in a sacred cave, and they would all shed their skin, celebrate their unity and dance.  When a human saw them dancing together in the cave, he left. The animals were embarrassed and scared, and they fled, never revealing themselves again.

The story’s message is that we are all the same underneath.  Under the skin, scales, fur, feathers.   It is sad that so many of us will live our lives not wanting to connect with nature.

It’s coming up to my vegetarian anniversary, the best decision I ever made. I am also converting to Vegan, because it feels right for me. I am trying to spend more time looking at the sky instead of a screen, but I need a little reminding at times.

I hope more people have the epiphany I had, because it’s time to make good for what we did at that sacred cave all those years ago.

It’s time to join the dance.

Happy Lows

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The Night Butterflies

When I heard that Sara (my brother’s partner) was writing and publishing her own book, I was delighted. I was especially delighted to hear it would be an apocalyptic fiction, my favourite. I wasn’t expecting however, to love this novel quite as much as I did.

It’s a horrifying concept which begins with the line; ‘I remember the day they burned the babies.’ Told through the narrative of the five main characters; Teacher, Ellie, Jimmie-1, Ellie and Nick. In the aftermath of the end of the world, life on earth is eerily different. There’s no food, The Men are in charge, and they all hail to Leader. The children are devilish, their mothers are on shut down, and their fathers have left to join leader. Teacher is the only one who shows any signs of humanity, due to the unfading love she has for her secret daughter, Ellie.

Although it’s brutal, gory and damn right disturbing at times, what is clear throughout is that there is always hope, and hope prevails.

Seeing Jimmy-1 transform in to a caring, loving and humane friend to Ellie, reminded me of how little appearances matter. It is an overused cliche but I’ll use it anyway, ‘It’s what’s on the inside that counts.’ It also reminded me of how important it is to forgive people, people change and everyone is worthy of redemption.

The Night Butterflies by Sara is now proudly displayed on my book shelf as one of my favourite reads. I hope you get all of the recognition and success you deserve Sara, I’m sure you are very proud.